I Don't Make Sense Anymore

Dear blog,

Sometimes I feel so drained, so strained, so tired, so listless.  Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing anymore, that I don't make sense anymore, that what I'm doing is pointless.  Yes, this is an emo post, so deal with it!

I'm rarely satisfied, never happy, hard to please.  I just wish all the expectations of the world could wither away and leave me alone.  I wish I had someone to share it with, that I was't so alone in this, that my presence has purpose and meaning.  I want to matter, but I don't know how, and often end up feeling bad or not good enough.

Dear blog, what is the meaning of life?  A silly question I know, but one I so often ponder in those moments when I stare into space, alone with my thoughts, away from the world.  The challenges seem so insurmountable, and a huge, thick wall keeps me from getting to the other side.  I work so hard, and feel lost in all my effort.

What's the point?  The question has bugged and bogged me lately.  I just want to disappear.  But I also want to rise again.  I think I think too much.  I want to leave.  I want to move, not move on, but move further, to a place I don't know.  I don't know.  But I'm not giving up.  I will find my answers, but I must never stop looking.

Yours sincerely,
John.