11 Reasons Why I'm Still Single (and will likely remain so for a long time!)

Everyone (well almost) has been asking me this question of late: "WHY are you still single John???!?!" So I've decided to compile a list of ten reasons to explain this phenomenon. Please read and laugh where appropriate. Reader discretion advised.

1. People think I'm gay (I don't blame them, I DO like to dress well and I hang around girls ALOT, yet am still unattached)
2. I am bossy and arrogant (I don't like being in a relationship where I'm not on top, figuratively speaking)
3. I have a big ego (not tremendously HUGE, but I do like to be right most of the time =p)
4. I can be very sensitive (with my feelings -- I am easily offended and hurt)
5. I like to feel independent (meaning I can't be bothered to call my girlfriend every five minutes to ask about her day)
6. I am a workaholic (this should probably go under "10 Reasons Why John would make a Bad Boyfriend," but what-the-heck)
7. I don't have the balls to walk up to girls in the bar/club/pub and say: "You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy"
8. I like to be alone (not ALL the time, but I must spend time with myself -- ME-time)
9. I can't stand the hassle of having to constantly think about someone else (I'm high maintenance as it is!) 
10. I hate to look like I'm desperate
11. I generally dislike human beings (they are too unpredictable, unlike my first love Microsoft Word 2007 which has never failed to satisfy me emotionally, and err.. [censored])

Hope this answers your question as to why I'm still single. Nevertheless, I hope to find "the ONE" somewhere in this lifetime and my happily-ever-after. Until then, I'll be making out with myself.

Ciao!