Dear John,

Why do you have a compulsive need to be better than others? Why do you constantly have to feel like you are academically, intellectually and noticeably superior to the next person?

Is it so wrong if someone upstaged you? Is it so bad if she exceeded you by two marks? Is it so bad that you lost out by four? Are you so petty? Are you so shallow? Is your world so, so small?

Didn't I work hard enough? What did I do wrong? What did she do right? Why did she do better even though I KNOW I spent more time on it than she did? Is the world so unfair?

Why am I judging her? Why am I even comparing myself? Why SHOULD I compare myself? Why is my world so small?

Is your work everything to you? Does nothing else matter? Why can't you live life for today, appreciate the things you have and strive to achieve that which you do not have? Why do you have to be perfect all the time?

I want to find the thing that completes me. I want to be whole. I don't want to have to feel bad for not doing as well as the next person.

Perhaps someday I'll grow out of this. Perhaps someday I'll be mature enough to see the error of my ways. Perhaps one day I won't need my work and my career to feel good about myself. Perhaps one day I will be truly, wholesomely happy, and maybe then I will have found the thing that completes me.

I look forward to that day :-)